Taming the Tongue
by Christopher Hendrix
Depending on the source of the statistic, people may speak between 10,000–16,000 words a day. Some speak up to 150 words a minute! Those are a lot of words! In light of what Jesus says in Matthew 12:36: “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak,” that's very frightening. Yet, the Bible speaks to how the Christian should speak.
James 3 counsels the Christian on the use of the tongue. The first 5 verses get to the heart of the matter immediately. We should be careful about wanting to be heard, especially for those who like to be teachers. Why? Because our tongues reveal our hearts, and our hearts are sinful. Only a perfect man can completely control his tongue and body. Of course, we see this fulfilled in Christ. Christ was the ideal man who spoke when needed and who kept silent when appropriate. Yet, the Spirit's sanctifying work leads us towards Christ's image. Despite our sinful hearts, we mature spiritually because of the Spirit. Evidence of this is how we control our speech and, by implication, our bodies. The more we control our tongues, the more we resist sin in our bodies. Verses 3–5 teach this very thing through some illustrations James gives. The point of these illustrations is to show the power of the tongue in controlling the entire body.
Watch Pastor Chris Hendrix’s sermon on James 3:1-5.
Does this mean it's better to never speak? No, the Bible doesn't say that. Proverbs help shed light on our use of the tongue. Proverbs 13:3 says: “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin".” When we think about preserving our lives, we may believe in avoiding danger, eating well, exercising daily, or other things to maintain our physical health. However, do we think about what comes out of our mouths as bringing us to ruin? We are called to guard our mouths, for our words could destroy us, our families, our churches, and our society. Those who claim, "I just speak what's on my mind," don't display a virtuous characteristic but demonstrate a lack of self-control. Those who wear their emotions on their sleeves aren't "just being honest," but show they do not guard their mouth.
If you hear someone talk enough, they reveal where their hearts are at. Jesus said in Luke 6:45 that the mouth speaks out of the abundance of the heart. This means the more you hear someone talk, the more they reveal their sinfulness and folly. This is why Proverbs 12:18 refers to rash words like thrusts of a sword. We've all been in instances in which we are talking, yet someone truly doesn't hear us. They speak, give counsel, or make assumptions that are not what you were actually communicating. Their assumptions hurt you like a stab of a knife, and they weren't helpful. Yet, this same Proverb says the tongue of the wise brings healing. The wise listen and seek understanding, then provide an answer that heals, not hurts.
In other instances, evil words are spoken towards someone without their presence. These are words of slander and gossip. Proverbs 16:28 says: “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” When the tongue is used to talk about a person in a negative light behind their back, it creates distrust and separation. The action of slander, or even gossip, injects thoughts about another, even if they are the closest of friends. Many would couch gossip in prayer requests. Or, to excuse their sin, they may say, "well, I was only sharing facts about a situation." These are fine lines that we can easily deceive ourselves. How should a Christian approach these situations? We ought to speak well of one another to each other. True, there are instances in which someone must divulge a problem with adverse facts about a person, such as following Matthew 18 and church discipline, but most of the time, this isn't the case. Most of the time, we aim to swing someone over to our side and protect our reputation. This is dishonesty and sin.
The Proverbs and the rest of Scripture give much more counsel on our words. Yet, as James points out, we must realize the power of our tongues. The way to tame the tongue, though, isn't behavior modification. It starts with our hearts. The first question is, is your heart renewed? Are you a faithful Christian? Second, if no, then repent and believe. Throw yourself upon the mercy of Christ. If yes, conform your heart and desires to the Word of God. Pray, meditate upon the Word, and examine your heart before speaking. Review your thoughts before speaking rashly, and when tempted to gossip, resist the temptation. Repent when you falter and humble yourself. This is the starting point for taming the tongue.